Meditation as a Relationship

Whether you're new to meditation or a seasoned practitioner, one important question to consider and regularly reflect on is “What is my approach to my meditation practice?”. 

For some of us, it might be something we squeeze into our busy day because somebody or a podcast said we should, or maybe it's just another thing we get to tick off our to-do list. I want to preface this by saying that there's absolutely nothing wrong with whatever approach gets you to your meditation seat, ultimately that’s what we want, but if you are finding your meditation dry or dull and not having much of an impact on your day to day life, then you may want to consider shifting your approach from one that is solely ‘practice oriented’ to one that is ‘relationship oriented’. What do I mean by that? 

Well, most of us know that meditation is one practice that gives us an opportunity to know the inner presence, bliss, or awareness of the true Self. And so really, meditation is a relationship with yourself. You get to develop an intimate relationship with your mind and recurring thought patterns, with your body and the sensations of emotion too, and the energy of the body on any given day. But beyond all of these things, which are constantly in flux and changing, we also get to develop an intimate relationship with the inner presence or awareness that is the ground of our being- the part that is unchanging, and aware of all change.

Now, if I asked you to consider how you would approach an intimate relationship in your life you’d probably say that you’d approach it with a sense of tenderness, love and playfulness. There’d be an element of experimentation, exploration and over time you would develop new ways of relating to and understanding that person as you grow in love. 

Now the process of mediation really works in the same way. If you can view your meditation as this dynamic relationship that you undertake with love and tenderness, as you would any other intimate relationship, then a whole new world begins to open up to you. 

Now, particularly if you’re new to meditating, keep reading!

You’d also probably agree, that in those first few days or weeks of a new relationship with a person, the emotional depth you experience with them tends to be a bit more surfacey. You know, asking regular questions about their interests, their job, home town etc. You’re getting to know them but still not fully revealing yourself to them or them to you either. You’re in the phase where you really have to put in the ground work in, i.e. you’ve got to spend a lot of time together in order for anything meaningful to develop.

And it’s the same with your meditation! It takes time. It may be a bit awkward at the beginning, or even a little unnatural, and you may have a few doubts of ‘is this the one’ ;) But, if you continue to show up with love, curiosity and openness (just as you would for a partner),  rather than seeing it is as a one- way static practice, your meditation will begin to feel a little more colourful and natural, and over time, giving you the support that a steady long term relationship would, that is anchored in love.